ARROGANT PEDESTRIANS RULE D.C.

There is no place like Washington, D.C., for "homies" displaying "in your face" arrogance, as they brazenly walk across the street, exhibiting no understanding of "rules of the Road." Lest anyone suppose that I'm making cryptic slurs aimed at African Americans, let me hasten to add that my ire is raised by the insufferable "Neo-Yuppies" who are pouring into Washington to buy homes and condos. These people are super-obnoxious.

They must be "loaded," as you can't buy a doghouse in the District of Columbia that's under 200 grand (that's right, Big Ones). Well, I may be exaggerating a bit here. You get the picture. Further, since the District is "filled to the brim" with overpaid politicians, the first order of business is raising taxes to finance higher salaries for the politicians. After all, they want to get the best people money can buy. (Why these people are constantly embezzling big bucks is a curiosity, as they seem well paid.) Since they are competing with "private companies" for talent, they have to offer desirable employees big bucks. Otherwise, they'll go elsewhere. Real estate is one of the politicians' favorite "patsy." It adds to the cost of dwelling in D.C.

As I said, they're pouring in. I'm the poorest person "chasing ambulances," I fancy. I try to calculate how many ambulances it would take to get a condo in D.C. One problem, they are all billed as "luxury" dwellings. Screw the hustling mensch seeking a good tort action. Another problem is that these "Neo-Yuppies" are ideological--almost in the sense of a religious priesthood. They all carry pictures of Albert Gore, Jr. in their wallets. Woe to anyone who doubts the Global Warming Theory. You are treated with more contempt than if you questioned evolution. They will not suffer any "tainted" soul in their presence.

Now, these newcomers are not to be confused with the homosexual urban pioneers of the seventies, who moved into the DuPont Circle/Adams-Morgan areas. Many of these have become very wealthy as the prices of their dwellings skyrocketed. They merged with and blended with the newcomers to some extent, as they all share similar values. These values have been fruitfully described as Baalism-Marxism.

They all share a rabid disdain for cars. Commuters and delivery people especially irk them. They want to assert a pedestrian "right-of-way" but fear of being "hit-n-hurt" makes "cowards of them all." So, in frustration they glare at the motorists. Polluters! Endangering the planet! Why can't Mayor Adrian Fenty do something! (He has purchased a two-seater, European "clown car" to putsch around DC in.) You know what I'm talking about? Those tiny cars at circuses that fifty clowns crawl out of. It costs the District about 18 grand. Better he should get a used Camry! Mayor Adrian Fenty is a man of the people. Now, just who those people are should be apparent. Neo-Yuppies.